Dear Judah,
I find yours a fascinating story which has much to say
about sex and sexual ethics. In a world where we struggle with the way in which
society seems to be misusing sex and families often appear dysfunctional so
much I think it is really interesting to examine.
Firstly, I want to go back a step to your suggestion that
you sell Joseph into slavery rather than kill him because he was your flesh and
blood. It seems that you had an understanding of what was happening was wrong.
I wonder when you went away whether it was because of
resources and managing scarcity or because of guilt. I am sure you must have
chatted to Reuben and realised that in your trying to save Joseph’s life you
actually stopped him being rescued and increased your fathers distress.
I wonder what wickedness Er was guilty of which led to his
death. We don’t know but as it was mentioned straight after you getting Tamar
as his wife I do wonder if it was domestic violence or adultery which he was
guilty of. The sin does implicitly appear to relate to his treatment of Tamar
in some way.
You seem to understand the duties you had towards Tamar or
was it you were concerned about the continuation of your bloodline?
Did you know the feelings that Onan had towards getting
Tamar pregnant? He seems very concerned with the idea of any biological son of
his being acknowledged as such. This passage has been used to condemn
masturbation in my own culture at points. However, it is clear reading it that
it is not the wasting of the seed which is the problem but rather his treatment
of Tamar who in your culture he had a responsibility towards.
How did you feel about telling your son he had to go and
sleep with this woman he may not have wanted to sleep with? It seems that you
had a lax attitude towards sex and the use of women, yet also sharp moral
codes. Yet you also have a fear of what you don’t understand. This latter is
shown by your reluctance to let Tamar sleep with Shelah because you were scared
of the death of another child.
You were happy to go and sleep with a prostitute, that is
something I find interesting and a sign of double standards – something I think
applies to a lot of people who use sex workers today. You went and slept with
this woman yet you were willing to burn Tamar when you thought she had had
promiscuous sex.
How did you feel when you discovered that it was you she
had slept with? Your reputation was clearly important to you and you did not
want to be laughed at by others or shamed her apparent actions.
That encounter when she identified you as the father of her
children, because you had not given her Shelah obviously had a great impact on
you because you knew why in her desperation she had acted in this way. It is
like you have your eyes opened to some of the effects of patriarchy and what
you had been doing to her through your abuse of power.
Did you get to spend much time with the twins before you
passed away? I ask because you were obviously in older years when they were
born.
I wonder what your relationship was afterwards with Tamar.
Did you treat her, and indeed the other women around you with more respect?
It is interesting yours is a story I had caught in passing
before but not really taken on board. Yet, it is one of the ones which has
caught my attention most so far through this project.
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